so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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