I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
