What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize