Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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