Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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