I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
