ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
