as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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