"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
