Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize