Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
