I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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