Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
