My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
