you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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