I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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