She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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