you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
