My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
