if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
