Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
