you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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