A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize