Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
