Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
