I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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