After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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