I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize