dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
