Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
