I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
