I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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