I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
