Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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