I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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