An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
don't judge my taste in strippers
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
