I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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