guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
