I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
