meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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