I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
