last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
