i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
