dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
