I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
