Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
