you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
