I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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