We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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