I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Shame - the story of my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
