grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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