Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
