I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
