Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize