i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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