Don't make out with my wife yet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
