I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
