HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
