It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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