You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
