PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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