you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
