I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
