Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize